Today is a very strange day for me. I woke up from a whack dream, read a great but totally messed up book, then read an email from a friend that was pretty profound. It was like bam bam bam! all one after another, which sort of left me in a daze for the rest of the day. I decided to spend it doing this out of the normal for me, so I went to the food bank and donated some food then went to the womens shelter and donated a lot of my clothes and other random goodies around my house that could have been much more useful to someone else. Then it was time for ice cream because.. well there never needs to be a reason for ice cream, and back home for my members webcam chat which I’m sure left everyone in the room a little weirded out because I was more “me” than my members have ever seen. I was open and honest and held nothing back, and since I have the most incredible members ever, I ended up being cheered up and had a great time! Thank you guys who were there, you make my site so worth doing, you are the reason I do it!

Anyway, since my brain was so whacked from the morning I was sort of in a.. step-back and observe mindset the whole day which is really great because when you have them you can see things for what they are, factually and it helps a lot even though it can be a little emotional and tough. I was able to help a friend, I wrote an email that took an hour to write ugh lol but it was great and I really hope it helps. I was able to connect with some other friends and hopefully become closer because of our conversation, and I was able to sort of calm down about some emotional situations with another friend and step back from the fire and see what is really in front of me instead of just seeing all the emotions. I probably sound like a nutball right now, or maybe this blog doesn’t even make sense, but hey I figure that’s what a blog is for.. to write and be personal right? On top of it all I think I might be coming down with something.. so that might be not helping the emotional side of me

At the end of the day though, I figure since no one can find out what we’re all doing on this planet anyways.. I’m going to give up trying to stress about this or that and just BE. Just live. That’s where risk versus reward comes in.. you can’t find love if you’re not willing to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. You can’t do much in life if you can’t believe in yourself and just try. At the end of the day… you want to be happy, content, and that’s it. Today might be your last, my last, what if I spent it not being happy? Or stressing about if these jeans make my ass look huge? (ah they all do, me and my ghetto booty haha!) It doesn’t matter, not what you own, how much money you make (as long as you have the nessesities), all that matters is if you’re happy and you had a good day. I am going to try to focus less on the stupid little things that really won’t make a difference in the long run, and instead use that time to go to the beach! or have a BBQ with friends! yippeeee doesn’t that sound like way more fun? It does to me.. but that’s my version of happiness.. thats what makes me go ahhhh and relax as I lay down to sleep every night.. I hope that since me doing my site and having fun with it and being happy can bring someone else out there even one extra smile in your day </end sappiness> heh!